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Joke of the Day

"it was hard being a teenager with the last name i mean stalk one guy and you're for the next three years"

"Me when my friends are sad: 268 text messages of advice and tell them how perfect they are. Then when I'm sad: Oh, sorry ."

"What do slutty women and Windows have in common? They're both backwards compatible."

"Why does Darkwing Duck wear a mask? You are a duck. No one could identify you without describing every other duck on earth."

"Listen, you should really give your mother a call. She's concerned that ""the haters"" in her Zumba class are organizing and gaining power."

"""susan. SUSAN IT'S WORKING GET IN HERE"" -Moses practicing parting the water in the bathtub"

"The baby fell on the floor at breakfast this morning. Luckily, she landed butter side up, so the five second rule still applied."

"Did you hear about the farmer who fell in love with his cows milk? It was his significant udder"

"A man goes to the library and asks for a book on suicide the librarian says, sorry it looks like the last person never brought it back."

"I wish I had emo hair So it would cut itself."