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Joke of the Day

"Ted Cruz wants a 19% federal sales tax on goods and services made in the U.S. The only thing flatter than this proposal : his personality."

"ALL THE GAYS ON AN ISLAND My brother hates gay people -- hates us. 'We should take all you gays and stick you on an island.' 'Well they have, Frank. We call it Manhattan.'"

"I lost 130 pounds in a year. She left me."

"Where do you find a quadriplegic? There where you left him."

"He's as sharp as a bowling ball."

"Did you hear? About the cannibal that dumped his girlfriend?..."

"How do you keep an asshole in suspense?"

"Women should not have children after 35. Really ... 35 children are enough."

"My wise grandfather once told me, ""The small things in life are often the most beautiful."" Guess that explains my midget fetish."

"Laughing at your mistakes can lengthen your life. Laughing at your wife's can shorten it."