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Joke of the Day

"[grocery store] Me (chewing): why are these grapes expensive Cashier: We know ppl eat them before they pay Me (still chewing): well I never"

"I sometimes lie awake and wonder how much useful information I've left out of my brain to make room for these Hanson songs."

"What has 60 legs and 8 teeth? The front row of a Country concert"

"When I see a flash mob in public I immediately join in to make it seem like they didn't practice enough."

"What do you get when you kiss a bird? Chirpies. It's a Canarial Disease. It's Untweetable!"

"Rhodes Scholars are book smart... but road scholars are street smart."

"Why didn't the clam share his ipod? He was shellfish."

"Do you know what you call a nickle and a penny? The Sixth Cents"

"When I was a kid, you could go into a corner shop with $1 and come out with 2 cokes, 3 Freedos and a magazine. Nowadays, CCTV everywhere."

"We're supposed to lose all the trees by 2020 but if we work hard, we can make it by 2018."