65919

Joke of the Day

"[grocery store] Me (chewing): why are these grapes expensive Cashier: We know ppl eat them before they pay Me (still chewing): well I never"

"What did the author say when he added a chapter about flour to a story about soup? The plot thickens!"

"My family used to move a lot when I was a kid, but I always found them."

"There is endless debate about the existence of the human soul. Well it does exist, and Chuck Norris finds it delicious."

"Two candles wanted to get high... They lit up and got low instead. Happy 4/20!"

"Someone tweets ""pizza,"" I want pizza. Someone tweets ""donut,"" I want a donut. Someone tweets ""kale,"" I want pizza and a donut."

"Why were the people in the Twin Towers so upset about their pizza order? They ordered pepperoni but all they got was plane."

"What do you call a Chinese man with a bad internet connection? Hi Ping"

"What is the hardest part of a vegetable to eat? The Wheelchair"

"9am: protein shake, oatmeal 1pm: small salad, chicken breast 5pm: grilled salmon, spinach 9pm: 4 whole ""i don't give a shit anymore"" pizzas"