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Joke of the Day

"What did the author say when he added a chapter about flour to a story about soup? The plot thickens!"

"How many Heros does it take to screw in a lightbulb? All, to save this world from the darkness."

"I'm not saying I hate you, but I would unplug your life support to charge my phone."

"Kill two birds with one stone. Kill two birds with two stones. Kill as many birds with as many stones as you want. We must eradicate birds."

"You're so pretty, you could be in a beer commercial."

"The cops say I have to stop trying to fist fight the guy who tries to feed my house letters everyday."

"life hack #1 never poop before work even if u are about to shit yourself on the way cuz that just means u get one more break"

"Every time I eat a cookie in bed, I imagine it screaming ""I'M GONNA CRUMB"" because I have something wrong with me"

"I regret joining the gym recently.. leaving the EU would've been a more effective way to lose pounds"

"What do you call a slutty mermaid? An H2hoe"