223696

Joke of the Day

"Someone tweets ""pizza,"" I want pizza. Someone tweets ""donut,"" I want a donut. Someone tweets ""kale,"" I want pizza and a donut."

"[waving hands and chasing down ice cream truck] Hey! ""What'll it be?"" [out of breath] Nothing. Just wanted to tell you I'm vegan"

"Girl are you a qwerty keyboard? Because U and I were meant to be together."

"If you're American when you go into the toilet, and Asian when you come out, what are you on the toilet? European!"

"On The Topic Of Relationships Today, a feminist asked me how I view lesbian relationships. Apparently ""in HD"" was not the right answer."

"My buddy tells me he had sex with his GF and her twin the other night. I asked him how he told them apart. He says, ""well her brother has a mustache"""

"Is it too soon for Michael Brown jokes? Thought I would give it a shot."

"A virgin fingers his girlfriend for the first time The woman with bated breath exclaims ""I thought you were a virgin"" the man replies "" I am but i also play the guitar"""

"Father: "" I know the answer to your bad grades. You're spending too much time watching television."" Son: "" I'm sorry you'll have to phrase that in the form of a question."""

"I do ten sit ups every morning. It might not sound like much, but there are only so many times you can hit the snooze button."