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Joke of the Day
"What's the difference between pizza and a jew? Pizza doesn't scream when you put it in the oven."
Next Joke
"if your partner has her time of the month this or next week it will be the christmas period"
"They tried to make me go to rehab... They tried to make me go to rehab, and I said... 'I don't have insurance'. And that was the end of that."
"[museum] Wheres the dinosaur bone exhibit? ""through that door"" Thank you very ruff! ""What'd you say?"" *2 dogs fall out of trench coat & run*"
"How do you help a sick ghost feel better? Give it a BOO-quet of flowers!"
"They asked me if I was into minors... I said, ""Bro, hell no. That coal gets messy."""
"Hey girl, is your dad a plumber? Because I wanna shit in your mouth."
"*picks up the bagel again* sorry i gotta take this one *leaves office & talks on the bagel for 15 minutes solid*"
"Gandhi once got into a food fight... It was naan violence."
"Anytime my 6 yr old daughter replies with 'What?', there's always that split second where I fight my urge to start quoting Pulp Fiction."