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Joke of the Day

"*picks up the bagel again* sorry i gotta take this one *leaves office & talks on the bagel for 15 minutes solid*"

"Yo Momma so black when she goes swimming poeple thinks shes and oil spill."

"the fact that im 29 and buttholes and poop are still really funny to me says more about the staying power of buttholes than it does about me"

"A haiku to my boss who asked me to work this weekend: Ha ha ha ha ha Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Ha ha ha ha no"

"""Hey, did you hear about the blonde that lost over 85% of her intelligence?"" ""No, actually. How'd it happen?"" ""I dunno, but I hear that it happened at around the same time her husband died."""

"After six years of being responsible, I finally went and lost my phone last night. I'm currently using Twitter from the web. LIKE A CAVEMAN."

"Feed a fish to a man, and you have fed him for a day. Feed a man to a fish, and you have appeased Dagon. You have done well. we crawl we rise"

"Her: I can't cook because, I ""believe"" I can't cook. And you want to know what makes me believe that? Me: The arrival of the paramedics?"

"My wife accused me of ruining her birthday yesterday. ""Bullshit!"" I said. ""I didn't even know it was your birthday."""

"How many hipsters does it take to change a light bulb? Nevermind; it's actually a really obscure number you've probably never heard of it."