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Joke of the Day

"A grasshopper walks into a bar. Bartender says, ""Hey, we've got a drink named after you."" Grasshopper says, ""Why would anyone name a drink Bob?"""

"Everyone is just looking for that special someone who could do way better but chooses not to for some inexplicable reason."

"I was in bed with my boyfriend Ernie last night, and he said to me ""Soph, you got no tits and a tight box."" I said to him ""Ernie get off my back."" h/t: Bette Midler"

"Why is flatulence more satisfying after a long struggle to push it out? Because you know you made a real ef-**fart**"

"I have an awful lot of shampoo and conditioner for a single bald dude"

"Beware of Advice from Successful People They don't want company."

"Why haven't they sent a woman to the moon yet? It doesn't need cleaning."

"My friend recently tried to get appointed chancellor of Germany but failed. I told him he was literally worse than Hitler."

"Arnold Schwarzenegger has a long one, Kim Jong has a short one, Mickey Mouse's isn't human, the Pope doesn't use his, and Cher doesn't have one. What is it? Last Names"

"I was forcibly held underwater, made to consume human flesh, and drank human blood all before puberty. man Christianity has some weird traditions."