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Joke of the Day

"I was in bed with my boyfriend Ernie last night, and he said to me ""Soph, you got no tits and a tight box."" I said to him ""Ernie get off my back."" h/t: Bette Midler"

"I met this european guy last night who claimed he was a well endowed white supremacist Well, he said he was a hung aryan"

"So I heard Russia banned Scientology... I guess they're not Putin up with that."

"God said to peter come fourth... But Peter came fifth and won a toaster"

"I just noticed ""Glue sticks"" is a name for some stationery but also just a fact."

"My dog can predict when an earthquake is going to happen. But television doorbell versus actual doorbell baffles him every time."

"What did the abortionist have for breakfast? Scrambled eggs =p"

"Yet another tragedy struck the music world today. Police responded from a call to a California hotel room occupied by Justin Beiber. When they arrived on the scene, he was still alive."

"""I might be a sex virgin but I'm not a virgin at AWESOME MAGIC TRICKS!"" *trips on cape, knocks over table with punchbowl & cookies*"

"""You know, I'm doomed to get eternal damnation to the Hell"" said Edward Cullen. -- Because you are a vampire, creature of Night and Darkness? -- No, because I'm an atheist."