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Joke of the Day

"My friend recently tried to get appointed chancellor of Germany but failed. I told him he was literally worse than Hitler."

"What's the difference between and out-law and an in-law? One's wanted."

"came from my uncle: Why is the capitol of Ireland growing so fast? because the population is always Dublin."

"Sorry I asked if your grandparents were part of the Halloween display at your house."

"My one true love cooks for me, cleans for me, has never talked back, does what I tell her to do, I can have my way with her any time I want, and she ALWAYS satisfies me. But enough about my hand."

"A horse walks into a bar and the bartender says, ""Why the long face?"" And the horse says, ""I'm finally realizing that my alcoholism is driving my family apart."""

"Slept like a log last night. Woke up in the fire place this morning."

"""What's that in the bag?"" ""An AK-47."" ""No next to that."" ""A bag of cheetos."" ""You can't bring that into the movie."""

"Five Secrets of Successful People: 1. Don't 2. Tell 3. Anyone 4. Your 5. Secrets"

"So i said to my wife... ""Every time you correct my grammar, I love you a little bit fewer"""