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Joke of the Day

"[dog on trial for murder] lawyer: who's a good boy? dog: I am lawyer: your honor I rest my case"

"Q: What did the cook say to the dough? A: I ""NEED"" you!"

"The consequences of electing Trump... There will be heil toupee"

"So, I asked my grandfather why he doesn't have a life insurance His answer? ""Because I want you to be truly sad when I'm gone"" :("

"There is no idea so bad that it cannot be made to look brilliant with the right application of fonts and colours"

"Teen Joke Teacher:"" What comes after 69?"" Student:"" Mouthwash."" Teacher:""Get out."""

"Whoever said that all press is good press... clearly hasn't heard of Lostprophets."

"Guy: If u won lotto, what'd u get? Me: A cat sitter G: To take extra good care of Sox? M: *pictures a cat in a suit taking care of me* Yes"

"I bartered a ring for a shop vac All she does is suck up my wallet and spend all my money."

"my doctor wrote me a prescription for dailysex My girlfriend insists it says dyslexia"