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Joke of the Day

"Why are women like parachutes? Because if they don't spread they are worthless."

"whats that detective, the serial killer is in the mall? i'll hack into their security cameras real fast [types ""job openings"" into google]"

"Today I asked ""Where do you get off"" while quarreling with my girlfriend. She replied ""In your bed."" Quarrel over."

"The worst is when you wake up hung over and you didn't even drink the night before."

"So, I picked up a girl last night at a Rapture party and we went back to my place... When I woke up in the morning she was gone!"

"Ever had sex while camping? It's intents."

"Why did they bury the fireman beneath the hill? because he was DEAD"

"If my co-worker says ValenTIMES one more time, I'ma need one of you to make good on the ""I'll help you hide a body"" promise."

"just ordered so much food the delivery guy gave me four sets of utensils but it's okay I still love myself"

"What's the most disloyal animal to it's mate? A cheetah."