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Joke of the Day
"Man who walks through airport turnstiles sideways.... is going to Bangkok"
Next Joke
"You know Toothpaste was invented in Alabama? Anywhere else and it would have been called Teethpaste!"
"I like a girl that isn't afraid to jump in front of me during a robbery & say ""babe, please. I got this one, you bought dinner."""
"saying monkeys r ur favorite animal is basically saying u like a shorter, hairier version of urself who can only communicate by screaming"
"In my first job, I had to proofread tampon box instructions. Grammar was good, but it was clear that they had no idea how a period works."
"What will Putin be having for Thanksgiving dinner? Turkey."
"I know I sound like a broken record but tomorrow I'll sound like a misfiring engine and, next week, continuous loud television static."
"What's the difference between a garbanzo bean and a chickpea? I've never had a garbanzo bean on my chest"
"There should be a sequel song about needing a ride back from Funkytown."
"locked my keys in my car outside of an abortion clinic the other day. It turns out they get really pissed when you go in and ask them for a coat hanger"