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Joke of the Day

"Today I asked ""Where do you get off"" while quarreling with my girlfriend. She replied ""In your bed."" Quarrel over."

"Last week I tried to give up swearing... ...but said ""fuck it"" instead."

"Why is light beer like sex on the beach? They are both fucking close to water!"

"Why was the woman sent to jail for 12 months, while the man got a year? Because there needs to be a period at the end of each sentence."

"Did you know that after this next album, Matisyahu will be retiring? Soon he will be Jah-bless."

"I saw a guy on his motorcycle and the back of his shirt said ""If you can read this the b*tch fell off."""

"Snooki, but without the orange tan and poofy hair. And she's in charge of North Korea."

"Women can detect even the smallest of lies, but on TV they tell them they can lose 20 pounds in 5 days and they believe it all."

"People are always talking about how popular Steve Jobs was.. But I don't think he'll ever be as popular as his brother, Hand."

"How do you unlock a monastery door? With a monk key."