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Joke of the Day

"[at hairstylist] Make me look like I'm running really fast."

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"If Crunch Berries aren't considered fresh fruit I don't think this diet is going to work out."
"""YOLO"" giggled the 53rd incarnation of Buddha"
"why did the chicken cross the road? to show the deer how it's done"
"What do UP! and push-up have in common? First you have a great time, but after 5 minutes you end up crying."
"How many letters are there in the Pirate Alphabet? Ten. Aye, aye, arr, and the seven seas."
"Why did the hippie stick his penis in the chick peas? Because he was a hummusexual..."
"A magician was driving down a street when suddenly... he turned into a driveway."
"What driver doesn't have a license? A screw driver."
"What has 7 arms and sucks? Def Leppard"