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Joke of the Day

"I like my women like I like my coffee Roasted, ground up, and dissolved in hot water"

"Why does Mexico do so poorly in the Olympics? Because everybody who can run, jump, or swim is already in America."

"I used to play Rock-Paper-Scissors professionally. I made money hand over fist."

"How do you titilate an ocelot? Oscillate its tit a lot."

"Stop. Stop it right now. I'm going to count to five. One. Two. Three. Four. Five. ~A parenting haiku."

"Wanna hear a joke about pizza? Never mind it's too cheesy."

"Geography joke from my son Him: What's the capitol of Switzerland? Me: Ummm, Geneva? Him: Nope!.... BERN!!!!"

"What to do when a blonde throws a grenade at you... What do you do when a blonde throws a grenade at you? Pull the pin and throw it back."

"Teacher: Can anyone tell me how many seconds there are in a year? Pupil: 12 - 2nd January 2nd February...!"

"Why would I be a horrible magician? Cuz I'll fuck a trick up."