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Joke of the Day

"I used to play Rock-Paper-Scissors professionally. I made money hand over fist."

"*calls 911* Hey, I found some big guns. *Cops surround the house. I come outside flexing and get shot 263 times.*"

"*looks through telescope* *telescope thinks you're looking at him and waves* *you wave at Jupiter behind* *telescope awkwardly lowers hand*"

"98% of Facebook is women telling each other how great they look."

"You know you do too much online shopping when your kids start drawing pictures for the UPS man."

"6 said he isn't sleeping in his room cause the tooth fairy sounds creepy but he left the tooth cuz he needs the money. -No DNA test needed"

"Commissioner Gordon: It says here that bats sleep upside down and wee over themselves. Batman: We also poop. CG: We? B: They. I mean they"

"Which Game of Thrones character doesn't stink ? Bran He is Hodorless"

"What do you tell a cow that's in the way? Mooooooooooooove."

"I'm glad that when you shoot, you shoot to kill ... because shooting to merely wound seems kinda mean."