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Joke of the Day

"My boss said , ""Dress for the job you want, not the job you have."" Now I'm sitting in a disciplinary meeting wearing my wonder woman costume"

"What do you call a constipated mason? A brick-layer."

"Nice try horror movies, but everyone in my generation is already terrified to answer their phones"

"[crumpled up paper on floor] *tries to flip it up like hacky sack* *tries to flip it up...* *tries to flip...* *tries...* *leaves it*"

"What do you call a abortion in Czechoslovakia? A cancelled check."

"I like my porn just how I like my search history Disabled. EDIT: First post and front page. Woohoo!"

"me: ""i re-wrote pulp fiction"" director: ""wow ok"" [reads script] ""this is literally just pulp fiction"" me: ""i didnt say it was different"""

"If I had to choose one word that encapsulates me, I'd say skin."

"Did you hear about the calendar thief? He got 12 months; they say his days are numbered!"

"What do you get when you cross an East African terrorist organisation with a fast food delicacy? Al-Kebab"