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Joke of the Day

"me: ""i re-wrote pulp fiction"" director: ""wow ok"" [reads script] ""this is literally just pulp fiction"" me: ""i didnt say it was different"""

"As the joker said, if you are good at something why do it for free..."

"Woke up with no money. I was robbed last night by a guy who looks exactly like me, but drunker."

"5 year old: Where does wind come from, daddy? Me: It comes from people asking too many questions."

"At the supermarket I saw a man and a woman wrapped in a barcode... I asked, ""Are you two an item?"""

"The reason why I am single. Watching batman vs superman with gf. Suddenly wonder women's entry, instant boner. Gf ask wtf is that. I replied dark knight rises"

"A man walks into a bar and orders a double Nebraska. The bartender turns around and says ""Sorry, we don't have *NE*."""

"Probably the Grossest Joke I Know How do Vampires Make Tea? Used Tampons"

"Bees! Beavers! Let's settle this once and for all: WHO'S BUSIER?"

"It's actually a good thing money doesn't grow on trees because I've killed every plant I've ever owned."