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Joke of the Day

"when i was a kid, i thought getting arrested for shoplifting meant getting in trouble for trying to carry a store like popeye or something"

"I heard a great joke in the elevator today It was funny on so many levels."

"214 of the 234 girls rescued in Nigeria from Boko Haram are pregnant? The other 20 girls must feel pretty fucking ugly."

"I wrote a book about my car It was an auto-biography"

"Why do burgers laugh when you surround them with pickles? Who knows - maybe they're picklish!"

"my 14 year old came back with this after his biology class Q. who was the Jewish prophet that led the water molecules across the partially permeable membrane? A. osmoses"

"Why can't you run through a campground? You need to RAN through a campground because it's past tents."

"Sure I'll send you a shirtless selfie. Just let me work out for 6 months real quick."

"Mom asked, ""Are you going to see the new Michael Moore documentary?"" Wife replied, ""Magic Mike XXL?"""

"An organ trafficker has a date ""What do you do for a living?"", asks the date. ""I trade illegal organs."", the trafficker says. ""Jesus! Don't you have a heart?"" ""Was that a critic or an order?"""