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Joke of the Day

"My new Toyota is going to featured in a film! They call it a Camryo."

"TIM: how are you? ME: it's Monday TIM: yeah ME: the sun is up TIM: are u just listing facts? ME: lettuce is a member of the sunflower family"

"Did you hear about the narcoleptic, necrophiliac mortician? He fell asleep in the job."

"Why does Trump like pressing apples in the fall? Because he likes to stick his hand in cider!"

"Why's it taking so long to legalise gay marriage in the whole of the US? I mean, America had four fathers and it turned out alright"

"Woman: Guys who can't make me orgasm really rub me the wrong way."

"I decided to make my password ""incorrect"" because if I type it in wrong, my computer will remind me, ""Your password is incorrect."""

"I had a friend buy a European car and he kept telling me about it breaking down. I had to tell him that I didn't want to hear anymore of his Saab stories."

"I can always tell how good my weekend was by how many pictures I have to untag on Monday."

"I'm going to rehab I realized I need help when I stuck my dick in coke and my razor in a hooker"