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Joke of the Day

"My wife has a book on homeopathy I've only read the blurb on the back, but I think I know everything I need to know about it."

"What's the difference between hanging with friends and jacking it on the toilet? One means you're taking a load off and shooting the shit, the other is taking a shit and shooting a load off."

"Everyone...I've got Tom Jones syndrome.... I wouldn't say it's common, but it's not unusal."

"Two fish in a tank. One says to the other... ""how do you drive this thing?"""

"""BALL SO HARD MUTHAF--KAS WANNA FINE ME."" ""Grandma, just pay the parking ticket..."""

"Did you hear about what happened with the elk? It was really amoosing."

"Why are commercial flights always cheaper for vultures? All their luggage is carrion."

"When someone tells you that the integers are a more useful set of numbers than the natural numbers, stop talking to them. You don't need that kind of negativity in your life."

"Can't sleep. Boss is watching."

"How many Vietnam vets does it take to screw in a light bulb? YOU DON'T FUCKING KNOW, YOU WASN'T THERE!"