182015

Joke of the Day

"*professes my undying love to my microwave* *microwave sets itself on fire*"

"back in my day, we had to print out a tweet and hand it to a friend for a retweet. you kids got it easy ""shut the fuck up grandma"""

"Q: How did Bill and Hillary Clinton meet? A: They were dating the same girl in high school."

"I love when people tell me to get my act together and I'm like who the hell is acting geez."

"If someone hates you for no reason, give that motherfucker a reason."

"What would you call an EDM producer on a flagpole? Datsik but not dat well."

"What did the fry cook do when he found out he was cooking burger patties made of feces? He flipped a shit."

"'Rowdy' Ronda came to my town to give a speech. It was Rousing."

"Why are women like magazines? They have a lot of issues"

"If Monday had a face, I would punch it."