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Joke of the Day

"My ex DM'd me to say I'm acting creepy then unfollowed me. Luckily, I have his password so I just refollowed myself and told him he's wrong."

"Technically, ears can be ""Love Handles"" too."

"What's the difference between Adolf Hitler and Neville Chamberlain? Neville Chamberlain takes a weekend in the country. Adolf Hitler takes a country in the weekend. (First told circa 1938)"

"""Is my butt is too big?"" my girlfriend asked, staring at her reflection in the mirror. Sensing a trap, I fell to the ground and played dead."

"Did you guys hear about the kidnapping in Jacksonvillle? He woke up."

"I'd tell you a joke about fellatio, but it sucks."

"alarm (noun) -a device commonly used in the morning to invent new curse words."

"I used to be embarrassed by my geology fetish. I started off stroking gravel but now I'm feeling a little boulder."

"[running from a knife wielding murderer] oh hell yeah, my Fitbit steps are gonna be OFF THE SCALE today"

"Two antennas met on a roof... After a while they fell in love and in a few years time the antennas got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was great!"