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Joke of the Day

"My ex DM'd me to say I'm acting creepy then unfollowed me. Luckily, I have his password so I just refollowed myself and told him he's wrong."

"Anyone want to do the laundry for me? Im exhausted. I can pay you in beanie babies or hot monkey sex. The monkey's name is Earl. He bites."

"I think you are amayonazing! I'd take it as a condiment."

"I lost multiple times in Bridge Tourney today I'm muslim and I kept playing NT"

"Probing: Aliens have had plenty of time to figure out our biology -now they're just having fun."

"Legend has it the ""M"" in MTV once stood for music."

"TIL Kurt Cobain didn't have a license. He preferred riding shotgun"

"What do a drunken cat and the pope have in common? They're both Catholics."

"Wearing sunglasses inside is a great way to let people know that you should be hated unconditionally"

"I Read Something In The Newspaper A few days ago, there was an article in the newspaper obituaries titled ""Survivor of Nazi Death Train Dies"" ... I guess he's not a survivor anymore."