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Joke of the Day

"So most foot longs at Subway are 7$ not 5$. I'm not mad that it's more money. I'm just mad that I sing their tunes of false advertisement"

"Our Unabashed Dictionary defines wet dream... As the winner of a damp-t-shirt contest."

"invemtor of fruit-by-the-foot: [stares blankley at a roll of toilet paper for hours] WAIT I'VE GOT IT"

"the first rule of OCD club is that there must be a second rule so we have an even number of rules"

"Raheem is a Pakistani orphan boy who has to walk 5 miles to reach his school.. but with your help of a few pennies a month..we can buy a whip and make the lazy bastard run."

"Ben Carson is the best sleep walker ever Sometimes he wakes up and finds out he's standing on Republican presidential debate stage."

"What's the difference between toilet paper and a hand towel? So you're the one!"

"me: *rubs lamp* genie: I will grant you three wishes me: can you go away I'm rubbing this lamp"

"How does gravity greet itself? It just waves"

"""Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned."" The priest replied, ""I know. I saw your tweet!"""