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Joke of the Day

"I really need to go on the show Survivor. Not for the money or the fame. It's just the only way I'm ever gonna effectively lose weight."

"Why is Santas sack so big? Because he only comes once a year"

"You will feel dumb when we find out the guy who headshotted Harambe was from the future trying to prevent Planet of the Apes.."

"I saw a sign that said ""Watch for children"" I thought to myself ""That sounds like a fair trade"""

"You don't need a hunting licence if you shoot a turkey and plant a very small gun on him."

"What did the poet with hemorrhoids say? I'm stuffin the puffin back into my muffin."

"Most of us were taught to never get in cars with strangers, so taxi cabs make absolutely no sense."

"What do you call a smart pig? Cunningham"

"How many Vietnam Veterans does it take to screw in a light bulb? YOU WEREN'T THERE MAN!"

"Just watched a girl choke on her food and this can only mean one thing, she forgot to take a picture of it first and post it on her FB wall."