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Joke of the Day

"What do you get when you cross the Godfather with an attorney? An offer you can't understand."

"The blood moon last night got me so excited I was over the moon!"

"I invented a SJW alarm clock. It not only tells you the time, it reminds you what year it is, too."

"I don't think this girl on Facebook will ""survive"" the 2nd day of her diet.. I'll keep you posted."

"where does a Finnish child molester go when his ship sinks? Helsinki"

"What Type of Fruit Wants to Run Away and Get Married but Isn't Able to? Cantelope."

"I bought some shoes from a drug dealer... I don't know what he laced them with but I've been tripping all day..."

"My arm fell asleep, which is understandable, considering how boring the rest of my body has been."

"I think I left popcorn in the microwave too long and now it tastes funny. related: popcorn is my cat's name."

"I was about to be given a yellow card for punching another player in the face, but then the ref noticed I was an amputee. No arm, no foul."