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Joke of the Day

"I was about to be given a yellow card for punching another player in the face, but then the ref noticed I was an amputee. No arm, no foul."

"Seth Rogen and James Franco having their movie pulled due to terrorist threats sounds like the plot of a Seth Rogen and James Franco movie."

"What's Hitler's favorite board game? Gas Who?"

"There's a man with two penises? That's nothing, I once knew a guy with FIVE penises... ...and his pants fit like a glove."

"A man gets on a bus, and ends up sitting next to a very attractive nun. ""Ha ha!"" says the nun, removing her costume. ""I'm the bus driver!"""

"Did you guys hear about the catastrophic genetic flower breeding program that tried to cross an aster and a daisy? It was a dais-aster."

"What did the Italian historian ask when he saw the original copies of one of the tragedian's greatest plays? Euripides?"

"Why wouldn't you hire bears from Australia? Because they don't have the necessary koalafications. (Derived from: http://www.neatorama.com/2014/04/07/When-Animals-Argue/)"

"There's no more dangerous entity on earth than a woman with a lot on her mind and nothing to do but think."

"How to make your dreams come true? Have a Stage 4 Cancer"