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Joke of the Day
"The blood moon last night got me so excited I was over the moon!"
Next Joke
"Whoever said ""money doesn't grow on trees"" has obviously never sold weed."
"I learned most of what I know about dropping pianos on people from cartoons."
"What do you call a Messiah that enjoys pain? A masochrist."
"Me: Anything you can do I can do better, I CAN DO ANYTHING BETTER THAN YOU! Mom: Why are you yelling at the dog?"
"[terrorist meeting] ""Let's hit Americans where they gather to shop"" But how will we find these Targets? ""Guys you're not gonna believe this"""
"""Well I should probably get off twitter. I have to be at work in 15 minutes and I haven't even showered yet."" - me and at least 100 of you"
"I read this morning there's a test to find out if you have early stage Alzhimer's. And then this morning I read that there's a test to find out if you have early stage Alzhimer's."
"""if inventimg a machine that alows man to soar through the air is wrong, i dont want to be Wright"" - Wright brother, invemtor of airplabe"
"Me: ""...american cheese, toasted."" Her: ""What kind of cheese?"" Me: ""American..."" Her: ""Want it toasted?"" Me: ""I'll just make it myself."""