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Joke of the Day

"How do you keep an idiot in suspense? I'll post the answer in the comments."

"once while i was camping in Florida a raccoon got in my car and long story short if you see a raccoon driving a 97 Saturn Wagon DM me"

"Since the Intel processors are named i3, i5 and i7... does that mean Intel can't even?"

"my New Years resolution is to stop making stupid New Years resolutions. I failed."

"So these lepers are playing ice hockey and he gets kicked off the team. Why? Because there was a face off on the ice."

"9am: Very busy day today, I need to focus & stay off the internet 1pm: did you know that Texas has the largest population of prairie dogs?"

"*Giving TED talk* Me: *points at guy* sir, reach under your chair! *he does and a mousetrap snaps* Me: trust no one *audience claps*"

"""We hug and kiss, but people just don't lick each other."" -yet another lie I just told my toddler"

"I really wanted to watch Jurassic World this weekend but... Life...uh...got in the way."

"Did you hear about Stevie Wonder getting a cheese grater for his birthday? He said it was the most violent book he'd ever read."