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Joke of the Day

"I really wanted to watch Jurassic World this weekend but... Life...uh...got in the way."

"When I think of a good tweet in the shower, I run out dripping & naked and post it before the internet ends and it's too late."

"Did you hear about the vertically challenged psychic that robbed a bank? Police say they're looking for a small medium at large."

"What do you call a Mexican Miget? A paragraph Cause he's to small to be an esse"

"My wife asked me how I could love her and still enjoy watching porn. I told her, I love my car but I still watch NASCAR"

"Convincing someone to have sex is a lot like getting ketchup out of a glass bottle. It's a lot easier with a knife."

"I had an Australian ""Kangaroo"" beer the other day It was too hoppy! -Greg Hahn"

"A Higgs boson walks into a Catholic church... The priest says, ""Hey hey hey, you're not allowed here."" The Higgs boson says, ""But without me, there would be no mass."""

"What do you call a short mexican? A paragraph, because they're not a full essay!"

"Charlie Sheen's herpes have herpes and those herpes have gonorrhea and that gonorrhea had an abortion in high school."