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Joke of the Day

"*Giving TED talk* Me: *points at guy* sir, reach under your chair! *he does and a mousetrap snaps* Me: trust no one *audience claps*"

"There are 10 types of people in the world... Those who understand binary, and those who don't."

"Mayonnaise is cum. When you put it on a sandwich, you're spreading cum on your bread. When you ask for it on a burger, you ordered cum."

"Two Cannibals are eating a clown. One turns to the other and asks... Does this taste funny to you?"

"Saying ""to each his own"" is the best way to tell someone you respect their right to have an extremely stupid opinion."

"What's the difference between a Jew and a Boy Scout? A Boyscout comes back from camp!"

"I did a survey and asked 5 women what kind of clothing brand they preferred. The 5 responded: ""How the hell did you get into my house?"""

"How do you take your coffee? **Barista:** How do you take your coffee? **Customer:** Ferguson Police **Barista:** Huh? **Customer:** Black, two shots."

"What do you call a chicken without feathers? Dinner!"

"dear matt Damon for Halloween I think you should go as Matt Demon or Good Will Haunting. text me if you do"