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Joke of the Day

"How many sound guys does it take to screw in a light bulb? Two, two... One, two."

"What did the constipated math teacher do? Worked it out with a pencil."

"What's the difference between a chickpea and a garbanzo bean? I wouldn't pay $5 to have a garbanzo bean on me."

"5: Daddy whatcha doin'? Me: Cleaning my shot gun 5:Why? Me: Because one day a boy will like you 5:You mean like Ben? *racks the chamber*"

"Why was Sir Isaac Newton buried at Westminster Abbey? Because he was dead."

"How do you get a man to stop biting his nails? Make him wear shoes."

"What happens if you plug your electric blanket into the toaster? You pop up all night."

"""Who are we?"" ""Women!"" ""What do we want?"" ""We don't know!"" ""When do we want it?"" ""Now!"""

"The clinic asked me why I had written an incorrect blood type on my form I told them it was Typo"

"I'm no sadist. Some of my best friends are sad."