62893

Joke of the Day

"My wife is going to the hair salon today so for the next few hours I will be practising my reaction."

"My Social Life 404"

"What do you call a 12 year old protein? A pretein"

"Yo momma so poor... that ducks throw bread at her. I fucking lost my shit at a [6]!"

"I was cooking a dish with onions in it and my friend cried. I only now realized recently that she wasn't raising that dog for food."

"Only 2 phrases can change a woman's mood: ""I Love You"" and ""50% Off""."

"It's so cold in south florida, I just saw an iguana kill a squirrel and use it as a scarf."

"What did the mathematician do at the baseball game? 4 the home team"

"Boss: this project is moving along at a snail's pace!! *silence* Todd the snail: This is bullshit *spends 3hrs storming out of meeting*"

"Rabbit: I got kicked out of my cage for not paying the rent. My wife walked out and took our twenty-nine bunnies with her. I'm all out of carrots. What should I do? Friend: Don't worry; be hoppy!"