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Joke of the Day

"My aunt is trying to convince me that I'm gonna have kids. I named my kittens lunchbox and cocaine Steve. No one is gonna let me have a kid."

"You know what I hate about some of the jokes submitted to this sub? When people repeat the title in the description."

"Some cardinals and some ordinals walked into a bar, but the ordinals walked in first."

"What happened to Hillary Clinton's emails? [deleted]"

"The Government Don't lie.. Don't cheat. Dont steal. Don't sell drugs. Don't kill. The Government Hates Competition"

"How do you drown a hipster? Drag him into the mainstream."

"I hate when the definition of a word has other words that I have to look up also."

"Why didn't the airline passenger check his vulture? Because it's a carrion bird."

"What do you get when you cross a sheep and a porcupine? Nobody knows, but whatever it is, it knits its own sweaters."

"I just bought an answering machine! What should I ask it???"