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Joke of the Day

"[wakes up from a 15 year coma] sweet, x files still goin strong"

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"My girlfriend asked me to stop singing The Monkees. I thought she was lying, but then I saw her face..."
"How do you top a truck? tep on the brake tupid"
"[God-awful OC] What do you call someone who lets people rent wifi signals from them? The lanlord!"
"The living can't communicate with the dead, that's just seance fiction"
"Bough some shoes from my drug dealer. They were pretty nice"
"The longer a Facebook photo of someone's kid goes unliked, the stronger I become."
"Knock knock Whos there? Meg Whites most complex drum beat."
"What is the difference between a philanthropist and Nicki Minaj? A philanthropist likes to impress people with his larg**esse**! :-P"
"When the instructions say so easy a child could do it, I assume you mean one of those genius 12-year-olds who double major at MIT."