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Joke of the Day

"Sometimes, I think I'm the only member of my family not doped up on prescription drugs all the time. Then I usually take my amnesiac meds."

"CIVIL ENGINEER: ok let's build stuff. UNCIVIL ENGINEER: *smashes popsicle stick bridge*"

"What's a seal's favorite class? Art art art :)"

"I hate when I decide to sleep and my brain goes like ""Come back here! Remember that thing you did, why?"" & we stay up talking about it."

"Barista: I have a latte for *3 second long screeching noise* Velociraptor: Actually it's *4 second long screeching noise* but close enough"

"Pirate walks in a bar with his ship's steering wheel stuffed in his pants. The bartender asks do you know that's in your pants? Arrr yes. It's drivin me nuts!"

"What do you call a Frenchman wearing sandles? Philippe Philoppe"

"There are two types of people in this world... Those that can recognise when data is missing..."

"How can you tell which nurse is the head nurse? She's the one with dirty knees."

"It makes me sad that in this age of computers and video games, my children will never understand what it's like to be raised by television."