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Joke of the Day

"TIFU by being a loner Last night I almost had a threesome, I only needed two more people!"

"You should go to all your friend's funerals... ...otherwise they won't come to yours. EDIT: NOT MINE, a friend told me this one, he also heard it on the radio but doesn't know which context."

"What does an Asian with the biggest erection get when he walks into a wall? A broken nose."

"How do little german children tie their shoes? In little nazis!"

"What's a capitalist's favourite dessert? PROFITeroles. Bad, I know."

"Avenge me! But only through passive aggressively commenting loudly around my murderer how great it would be to still have me alive."

"I'm starting a plumbing supplies/computer software store. It will be called ""Shits & Gigs."""

"What's a pirate's favorite rapper? Kendrick Lamarrghhhh"

"I thought time away from my phone would be good, but then I thought of a tweet & had to write it on a Post-it note like some fucking savage."

"Did you hear that Henry Ford wrote a book? The driving point is that it's auto-biographical."