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Joke of the Day

"Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings poking me in the ribs and cackling telling me ""You're next."" They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals."

"How do Mexicans line up? Juan by Juan"

"Have you heard my unemployment joke? Yeah, it needs a little work."

"My girlfriend said we should split up because she can't handle me acting like a detective all the time... ""GOOD IDEA!"" I said... ""We can cover more ground that way!"""

"Remember when only the really cool people were on Twitter? Oh, you weren't here then? Oops, my bad..."

"Princess Diana died of dandruff They found her head and shoulders in the glove box."

"REMINDER: Joe Biden is the only American vice president in the last 15 years who hasn't shot a friend in the face."

"What do you call a Hebrew that lives in the Alpines? A Mountain Jew."

"You know those old movies with Jackie Chan where he is reluctant to fight in the beginning, but then he warms up starts swinging like there is no tomorrow?! ... I'm the same way with drinking."

"Missing a period is probably a Grammar Nazi's worst nightmare."