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Joke of the Day

"You know those old movies with Jackie Chan where he is reluctant to fight in the beginning, but then he warms up starts swinging like there is no tomorrow?! ... I'm the same way with drinking."

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"What do you call a spinning, bisexual dinosaur that loves Juno & Superbad? Biceratops"
"Almost 10,000 tweets, guess who's not Employee of the Month."
"Congratulations USA We have officially gone black and gone back."
"Did you hear about the Bausch & Lomb tech who fell into a giant lens grinder? He really made a spectacle of himself"
"GUY FIERI: ""Just saying, I'm open all week if anybody requests me."" MAKE-A-WISH FOUNDATION OPERATOR: ""Stop fucking calling."""
"So a midget psychic broke out of jail the other day... the headlines read ""small medium at large"""
"There was a massive explosion at a French cheese factory this morning... All that remains is de brie."
"""YOU HAVE A CUT ON YOUR FINGER YOU HAVE A CUT ON YOUR FINGER YOU HAVE A CUT ON YOUR FINGER"" - salt"
"Psychic said I should learn to take criticism better & always consider both sides of an issue, so I gave her the back of my palm to read."