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Joke of the Day

"Toddler misbehaves, but follows it up with throwing his hands in the air and yelling ""Ta-da!"" so he won't get in trouble. Stealing it."

"What do you call a discounted circumcision? A rip off"

"A man is on the roof of a tall building, he sees a group of marathoners down below the street, why does he jump from the building? Because the marathon was sponsored by Nike"

"3 things that makes me stress: hot days annoying people stand close to annoying people in hot days"

"My wife has a book on homeopathy I've only read the blurb on the back, but I think I know everything I need to know about it."

"Why do I always say yes to everything? I just don't no."

"I'm not convinced faith can move mountains, but I know what it can do to skyscrapers. (Come on, it's been 15 years.)"

"If ""you are what you eat"" Why is cannibalism considered to be inhuman?"

"You guys ever see a mannequin and think she's completely out of your league?"

"[I just barely squeeze thru the elevator doors as they shut, however my chain wallet get caught, ripping my pants off as the elevator rises]"