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Joke of the Day

"[I just barely squeeze thru the elevator doors as they shut, however my chain wallet get caught, ripping my pants off as the elevator rises]"

"A 65 year old actress with early Alzhiemer's got a Botox shot, and later regretted it. She couldn't remember her lines."

"Eating clocks is probably the most time consuming thing you could ever do."

"All Russian babies are born inside slightly larger babies."

"By all sensible rules of anatomy, if you have shit for brains, you shouldn't be alive. Science, people."

"Honey, I have good news and bad news. The bad news is that the penguin pooped in the bathtub. Wife: ""But we don't *have* a penguin!"" Me: ""And now for the good news...!"""

"Why do Native Americans hate snow? Its white and on their land."

"Step 1 to help stop a baby choking Take your dick out its mouth"

"I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with ""Guess"" on it ...so I said ""Implants?"""

"My friend told me I wasn't the sharpest tool in the shed. I told him I'm not a tool or in a shed. Sure showed him."