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Joke of the Day

"*hand grenades* *blow torch* *AK 47* *sulfuric acid* *ninja training* My Google search history yesterday after I found a spider."

"What's the difference between an Iraqi middle school and a terrorist training camp? Fuck if I know, I just fly the drone."

"Police now use an iPhone app that scans irises to ID suspects. It replaces their previous method: scanning for dark skin"

"A guy wore a Hanukkah shirt to a Christmas party... He was in the Menorah Tee."

"I hate when I'm spying on someone while they're showering and they let out a huge fart. What a sicko."

"You know what's better than Tennessee? Elevennessee."

"Tell the guy at the first drive-thru window that you want the guy at the second window to throw your food into the car without you stopping."

"Hey baby, you're just like my little toe... ...because I'm going to bang you on every piece of furniture in my home."

"Whats Marios favorite type of jeans? denim denim denim!"

"Why won't the holocaust survivor vote for Bernie Sanders? He doesn't want to feel the Bern."