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Joke of the Day

"""I'm just playing devil's advocate here, but-"" *The Devil appears* ""Please do not advocate for me, you are the fucking worst."""

"VW just released a new diesel car... It's called the Cheetah. ... credits to a colleague at work"

"Nothing creepier than a grown man drinking a glass of milk."

"A tad bit racist... How do you starve a black man? Put his food-stamps next to his work boots."

"A girl called me up, she said ""come over there's nobody home"" So I went over, but there was nobody home"

"""Look man, I swear to you, as god as my witness..."" [God appears from behind dumpster] ""I ain't coverin for u anymore Larry, you owe me $30"""

"I'm gonna open a business to wax chests with no pain at all. ...But can I really pull it off?"

"I was going to tell a celery joke but it might become a laughing stalk. O_o"

"Why aren't marriage prevention hotlines a thing?"

"What's the difference between a hippie chick and a hockey team? A hockey team takes a shower after three periods."