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Joke of the Day

"Whats Marios favorite type of jeans? denim denim denim!"

"*cutting the sleeves off a snuggie and calling it a thuggie*"

"I don't understand what you mean by 'stop drinking so much'. How else will you know how much I love you at 2am every day?"

"What is stronger than Ronda Rousey? Her anti-depressants."

"My psychologist said that I am losing my mind, and I don't agree. I'd say that my mind is losing me."

"A friend of mine died recently after drinking a gallon of varnish. It was a horrible end, but a lovely finish."

"Me: [walks up to boss] *SLAP* Boss: WTH?! Me: It's Natl Bully Month Boss: No, it's Natl Bully PREVENTION Month! Me: well this is awkward"

"Why did the dinosaur walk on two legs? To give the ants a chance."

"""This is OnStar. How can we assist?"" ""What are you wearing?"" ""Do I need to get a supervisor?"" ""Like a threesome? Is that part of my plan?"""

"When Princess Leia doesn't want to have Sex... Han reply: It's fine I'll do it with my hand... solo."