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Joke of the Day

"My work day - 8:00-11:30 - wonder what I'll eat for lunch today 11:30 - 12:00 - eat lunch 12:00 - 4:30 - Damn lunch was good."

"So a coworker of mine made a joke about midgets going extinct. And I was offended! Because there is nothing funny about a midget shortage."

"I want to pump iron with all of Twitter. I want to spot my followers and scoff at my haters' form"

"What kind of quack doctor prescribes an odd number of pills for OCD?!"

"Sex is like cookies... ...gotta ask for consent first."

"My 3 year-old wanted to help me cook breakfast... ...but she wasn't eggsperienced enough."

"I hate people who take drugs. Like customs officers."

"If you want your dog to take a pill: 1. Get a piece of cheese 2. Eat the cheese for energy 3. Get ready to wrestle your dog"

"If there were no bad parents there would be no good strip clubs."

"Yo mama so fat when she moves, the space-time ripples are detectable with naked eye."