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Joke of the Day

"If there were no bad parents there would be no good strip clubs."

"Why are you late? Teacher: Why are you late? Student: There was a man who lost a hundred dollar bill. Teacher: That's nice. Were you helping him look for it? Student: No. I was standing on it."

"I work at a restaurant and one of the chefs there is both dyslexic and epileptic. Ended up sending out a chicken seizure salad."

"I hate when people tell me I don't get it. Like, what does that even mean?"

"Boss:my office, now! Me:*to myself* dont be about Twitter dont be about Twitter B:we've had a sexual harassment complaint M:Oh thank God!"

"What does ISIS call wine snobs? Zinfandels!!!!!!"

"If I was a gay dude, I'd be all like ""Not tonight, I had Taco Bell for lunch."""

"My friend dropped his phone in the toilet It was a shitty phone anyway True story"

"I would never expect to get a penny from a dollar machine. It just doesn't make cents."

"That awkward moment when you text a pretty girl, ""my shirt smells like you"" & you misspell shirt"