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Joke of the Day

"I hope I can kill my feelings before my liver."

"What's the best part about taking a shower with an 11 year old girl? If you slick her hair back, she looks like an 8 year old boy."

"What's the difference between a hooker and an onion? You don't cry when you cut up a hooker."

"Why is golf better than sex? It lasts for hours and they are 18 different holes."

"I'm so out of shape, Internet Explorer could probably run faster than me."

"Why can't two Asian parents have a Caucasian baby? Two Wongs don't make a white"

"I offer kid $1 to do a chore. He sticks dollar in pocket. I get dollar back on laundry day. Lather. Rinse. Repeat!"

"What do you call a rabbit who is real cool? A hip hopper."

"I hate when I'm driving and I see people text and drive. It makes me want to throw my beer can at them."

"What do comedians put outside their house on Halloween? 'Pun-kins'"