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Joke of the Day

"Currently using my daughter's iTouch to read your tweets. Also, reading her emails and writing shit on her Facebook page."

"The difference between a tea bag and England The tea bag stays longer in the cup."

"What were Jesus' final words? ""So long and thanks for all the fish."" Edit: Everyone hates me."

"Similarities between Scruff McGruff's police force and Michael Vick? They've both got a dog fighting crime."

"How did the Endorian get to school every day? Ewok'd."

"I can't believe that Trump is banning Muslims from the U.S. Like, Syria-sly America?"

"What's better than winning gold at the special Olympics? Walking"

"Did you hear about helicopter that crashed into that graveyard? Police have so far recovered 54 bodies"

"How much did the critic tip the waiter? Two cents"

"I hate it when.. I hate it when my black friend disappears in the dark, My white friend in snow, My Chinese friend in sand, And my Middle-Eastern friend in drone strikes."