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Joke of the Day

"What were Jesus' final words? ""So long and thanks for all the fish."" Edit: Everyone hates me."

"""Could you take a couple steps back. I have a nut allergy."""

"What's the difference between Donald Trump and Mr Smith? Mr Smith went to Washington"

"If sex is said to be the best exercise than why are there no fitness clubs for that. Now there's idea. . ."

"I like to stand in the corner of my psychiatrist's waiting room and blow on anyone who walks by... Most people hate it, but I'm a fan..."

"PARTY GUEST: So, how did you two meet? HUSBAND: Oh, it's a bit of a fairytale, right darling? [wife is clearly a wolf in a dress] WIFE: Yes."

"Rio declares state of emergency just before Olympics. That's like inviting people to your house for dinner but you have no food. Or house."

"THE XBOX IS BEING ATTACKED! Here Comes The Ambulance Wii U Wii U Wii U"

"Spend hours getting screaming baby to sleep. Check on sleeping baby. Can't hear breathing...prod sleeping baby Repeat"

"These Brock Turner jokes are really distasteful. Maybe they'd be okay if I was blackout drunk."